Cheating Death
by bemj11
Summary: I wondered if maybe my number were up. If we had been cheating death all this time and now, finally, it had caught up with me. I wondered if I should panic. Bella's point of view. Chapter thirteen up. Complete.
1. Chapter 1

I wondered if maybe my number were up. If we had been cheating death all this time and now, finally, it had caught up with me. I wondered if I should panic.

But I couldn't. Not even now, as I faced a situation similar to the one I had in Port Angeles. I couldn't believe that after all this time he had spent as an overprotective boyfriend (was boyfriend even the right word?) that he would fail to somehow show up and save me, even though he was back in Forks and I was here.

I had been visiting Renee. I had wanted to spend some time alone with her after all that had happened, to take a break from Rosalie being aggravated by my desire to be a vampire, from Emmett's, well, comments. From Alice's constant cheerful personality and her trying to get me to go shopping with her.

I would gladly have taken Edward with me, but he had suggested that alone time with Renee should perhaps be spent _alone_ with her, and Esme had agreed. It made me wonder how much time she spent with her children on an individual basis. I could just see her trying to read to them before bed.

Everything would have been fine if I hadn't decided to go for a walk this evening. I suppose it was a stupid thing to do, going outside in the evening all alone.

Correction. I knew it was a stupid thing to do. As I stared into the face of one of my attackers, I realized exactly how stupid I had been.

He grabbed me, and shoved me roughly against the wall of the building in the alleyway. Why had I turned in here anyway? Had I been completely out of my mind?

I groaned as my head hit the wall, and realized Edward wasn't coming. I would have to defend myself this time.

Like that was going to work. Yeah.

I let out a scream and tried to kick the guy. His friends thought that was hilarious, and he grabbed my face roughly and snarled at me.

Funny how I wasn't impressed anymore when humans tried to do that.

He moved closer, and I could feel his hot breath on my face. I fought to get free; it was no use.

"Excuse me." A voice interrupted in a southern drawl. "I'm not certain that's entirely appropriate."

"Get lost." One of the men barked at him. The newcomer chuckled. For some reason, it sent shivers down my spine.

"Not without the girl." The accent was gone now. The voice sounded oddly familiar.

The man holding me turned his head to look at the stranger. "You stupid or something? Get lost!"

The stranger sighed. I had the feeling I should recognize him, even in the dark alley. "I'm going to say this one more time before I start getting irritated. Let the girl go."

My attackers just laughed at him, and one of them moved towards him. I saw the flash of a blade as he stepped up to the stranger. I shrieked.

The stranger didn't seem to notice he was being stabbed. Instead he moved in a blur of motion. There was a cracking sound, and the man with the knife went down.

The others stood there, shocked perhaps. The stranger leapt forward, knocking down another attacker, and in another motion too quick to follow took down the other two. Then he stood beside us; the man had let me go in surprise.

"We're leaving." The stranger said. "I'd suggest you and your companions reconsider your sources of entertainment. Come on, Bella."

I started. How did he know- Then I realized as I felt the wave of calm hit me. Jasper. But why had _he _come?

I cleared my throat as he led me out of the alley. "Um, not that I'm not grateful, but why are you here?"

"You were in danger." He said simply. That explained _so_ much.

"So you came? Usually when my life is at risk Edward comes, or Alice."

"Edward was busy." Too busy to bother saving my life?

"With what?" I asked stupidly.

"Alice." I was getting really tired of monosyllable answers, I decided.

"Both of them were too busy, so they sent you." I said. He could probably sense my disbelief.

He could. "I was available. The others had already left."

I was still hung up on the whole idea of Alice and Edward being to busy to rescue me themselves. "But Edward wouldn't be too-"

"Busy to rescue you." He interrupted shortly. I could actually feel anger rolling off him now. So much for that wave of calm. "Edward's busy being killed by Alice."

"Why would-" He cut me off.

"Where does Renee live?" I took the lead, but wasn't about to let this drop.

Why had they both been so busy that they would send a grumpy vampire to rescue me? Why was Jasper so irritable anyway?

"It's a long story." He said, breaking the silence. "The result is that instead of going out to hunt tonight with everyone else, Alice decided it would be better to kill Edward. Everyone else decided it would be best just to let her."

I frowned. "Why does she want to kill Edward?" I asked.

Jasper growled at me. "I told you, it's a long story. What were you doing by yourself in a dark alleyway at night anyway?"

I winced, embarrassed. "Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time." I mumbled. I had forgotten that this wasn't Forks.

"This isn't Forks, you know." He reminded me. I groaned inwardly.

"I know."

"Not that it's a good idea to go wondering around in the night like an idiot there either."

I glared at him and sped up a bit, hoping he would take the hint and leave me alone. No good, he altered his own speed to match mine.

I ignored him almost all the way back to Renee's apartment, though it was difficult with his foul mood permeating the air. I tried to remember if it were normal for him to broadcast his moods like this. I didn't know; Jasper had avoided me for the most part until our talk a few weeks ago.

And we hadn't exactly become best buddies since then. We had teamed up to scare the others half to death, and had stopped avoiding each other, but it was still rather awkward for the most part, and tense.

"What's your problem, anyway?" I asked as he growled at the apartment complex where Renee lived. I led him inside the building.

He scowled at me. "Nothing."

"Yeah, right." I scoffed. "You know, I doubt anyone's going to attack me between here and the apartment. You don't have to stick around if you don't want to."

He rolled his eyes. "Like Edward wouldn't kill me. If Alice didn't first." He had killing on his mind tonight, it seemed. I wondered what had made him so moody tonight. Usually he was polite, if distant, to just about everyone.

He followed me to the door. "Are they home?" He asked, doubtfully. He knew they weren't.

"They went out." I said. "Are you leaving now, or were you going to wait till my parents got home?" I stared at him as I realized he had no intention of leaving.

I stormed into the room Renee and Phil had prepared for me, slamming the door behind me. I collapsed on the bed, the shock starting to wear off now, and buried my head in my hands.

That had been close.

I had Jasper to thank for my rescue.

Far from being grateful, I was annoyed with him, even angry with him. Or was I? I realized now that he wasn't right next to me that I wasn't angry. I was a bit annoyed and confused by his sharpness with me, but I wasn't angry.

He had been the one projecting the anger.

I was terrified, though. The panic, which had been pushed away while I had been near Jasper, had come back. I choked back a sob, trying not to think about what would have happened if Jasper _hadn't _shown up.

I sat there, shaking and crying. I tried to stifle the sobs, hold back the tears, but it was no use. I sniffed; Renee would freak if she came home and I was like this.

My eyes were closed; I didn't notice the door swing open. I didn't realize he was here until I felt a cold arm settle around my shoulders. I buried my head in his chest and let the tears flow freely. I hoped he wasn't angry with me for making him send Jasper all the way out here.

"I'm sorry." I sobbed. "It was stupid, I know. I didn't think-" I was shushed, gently, and cold arms held me comfortingly.

I felt a wave of calm seep flow from him into me. It was immediately replaced by alarm as I realized it wasn't Edward. I jolted up. He let go immediately, and slid away from me.

"What-?" I couldn't formulate the question. I couldn't figure out what the question even was.

Jasper stared at the floor. "Sorry. I overstepped my bounds." I frowned at him. "I didn't think you needed to be alone." He explained.

I stared at him. "I thought you were mad at me. Why try to help me, then?"

"I'm not angry with you, Bella." He said softly.

"You're angry about something." I pointed out.

"It helps." He muttered. I had no idea what he was talking about. He sighed. "It keeps me distracted-from other things." He looked up, and his eyes met mine. They were dark. I remembered he had mentioned that the others had already left to go hunting tonight.

"I interrupted your trip." I murmured. "I am so sorry."

He shook his head. "There's nothing to forgive, Bella." He said. "We should have known you'd find trouble wherever you went." I sat silently, uncertain as to what to do now. He was quiet too.

I looked up at him after a minute. "You don't have to stay on my account. I'm fine." Though I had a feeling I was only calm again because of him.

"You're a wreck." He said bluntly. "Or you would be."

"So are you just going to follow me around for the rest of my life making me feel good, or what?" I demanded. I didn't want to cause him any more inconvenience.

"You'll be fine, once you've been calm for a while." Jasper said authoritatively.

"Aren't people supposed to deal with these things rather than avoid them?" I demanded.

"Didn't you already do that?" He asked. "The rest of the panic and fear is just leftover emotion. It doesn't do anyone any good. You spend some time feeling calm and safe and you'll be fine."

"And I won't if you leave?" I questioned, and glared at him as he briefly withdrew his calming influence. He was right. Still, I wasn't going to let him stay. "I'll be fine." I insisted. "Besides, what's Renee going to think if she comes in and finds me alone here with some man that's not Edward, huh?"

"I don't like to hunt without Alice." He said suddenly, bluntly.

"What?" I asked, clueless. What was he talking about?

"You want me to leave because you think you're keeping me from hunting. I don't like to hunt without Alice. And I told you, she's busy."

"Killing Edward." I said uncertainly. He nodded. "Why?"

He almost smiled at that. "He let slip what I was getting her for our anniversary." He explained.

"Oh." I said, and would have felt embarrassed if he hadn't been keeping me in such a tranquil state. Alice and Jasper were probably the least obvious in their relationship out of the family. It was odd to hear him mention their anniversary in such an offhand way.

I realized I was stuck with the hungry vampire. But I wasn't going to be happy about it. I scowled, though he wasn't really letting me be angry, and stomped past him into the living room. I turned on the TV, flipping through the channels to find something to at least pretend to watch. I stopped when I hit _Interview with a Vampire_, and wondered if I could possibly use that to get rid of him. I wasn't big on vampire movies anymore, but if it would get him to leave…

He came and sat down beside me, handing me a cup of hot tea and a plate of cookies he had probably rifled through the cabinets for. What was it with these vampires and trying to feed me after they rescued me from evil?

I realized I _was_ kind of hungry anyway, and took a cookie off the plate. I munched on it, focusing my attention on the vampire movie in front of me in an effort to avoid the vampire beside me.

I swallowed nervously, tensely. This movie was starting to get to me. All the blood. But it was irritating, the way the movie divulged from fact so. Lestat's irreverent view of human life angered me.

I rolled my eyes at my reaction. I was supposed to be getting on _Jasper's_ nerves. Besides, it was just a movie. Of course it was going to be different from reality.

I still felt irritated, still felt tense, still felt angry, even. Should I be feeling that way? Wasn't that part of the point of Jasper staying? I turned to look at him.

And realized it was his feelings I was experiencing, not my own. "Hey, Jasper? You okay?" I couldn't help but ask.

He started, and the room was calm again. He took a deep breath. "Sorry." He mumbled.

"Don't like vampire movies?" I asked, trying to sound teasing.

He shook his head. "I've known vampires like Lestat." He confessed. "I've seen a few like Claudia."

"The blood bothers you too." I said. He merely looked away.

"I know what you're trying to do, Bella." He said at last. "But I told Edward I'd keep an eye on you."

I sighed. "For how long?" I demanded. This was hard when he wouldn't let me get irritated. "Hasn't it occurred to you people that I can take care of myself?"

"Yes, you were certainly doing a wonderful job at that tonight." He remarked dryly. Ouch. "I know he's overprotective at times, and we tend to humor him and go along with it. Perhaps we shouldn't. But the fact of the matter is that _he couldn't live without you_. We've seen that. You've at least seen that he won't live without you. We'd watch out for you for that reason alone, Bella.

I considered this for a moment. "So is there another reason, then?" I asked, curious.

"What?" He asked.

"You said you'd watch out for me for that reason alone. That indicates there's at least one more reason." I said.

"Alice considers you her friend." Jasper said thoughtfully. "Emmett sees you as a little sister. Esme and Carlisle are always happy to accept another into the family."

"That leaves you and Rosalie." I pointed out.

Jasper sighed. "Rosalie resents the fact that you actually_ want_ to be a vampire. She's glad Edward's happy, though."

"And you?" I pressed. We had established that he didn't hate me, but I was curious about how he actually _did_ feel.

Jasper was silent, thinking. Finally he spoke. "I can't be against anything that makes Alice happy." He said slowly, still thinking even as he spoke. "I have trouble understanding that you would actually _want _to be like us, until I remember that you're in love. Love can cause us to do amazing things." He was quiet again, for a moment. "What I think personally is complicated. You're Alice's best friend, Edward's love, and Emmett's sister. You're Carlisle and Esme's daughter. I tend to base my view of you on whoever I'm around, I reckon."

"We're alone, now." I pointed out. "What do you think about me right here, right now?"

He was quiet again. "I think you could become family."

I wondered if I should feel slighted, but remembered Alice recently commenting, completely out of the blue it seemed, on the fact that it had taken Jasper a long time to feel like a part of their family. I realized it was a compliment.

"Thanks." I said, and nestled back against the chair. He moved his arm behind me as if to protect me, and we sat in silence, ignoring the vampire movie playing in front of us.

Author's note: Hope you enjoyed this. Just another story with Bella and Jasper getting to know each other better. I'm trying to decide whether or not to either add a chapter or do another story with Renee coming home and finding them there and so on. Tell me what you think, and review please! Reviews inspire me, make me feel loved, and all that.

Disclaimer: As always, I am a poor wretch who owns none of this.


	2. Chapter 2

I must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I knew the door had opened and closed and I could hear voices in the hall. I blinked and looked around as I yawned, trying to figure out where I was.

I had fallen asleep on the couch of my mom's apartment. It was dark outside, and somebody was running a stake through Dracula. Nice. I must have picked a vampire marathon or something, though why was beyond me.

Vampire. Jasper. I remembered. It was his arm around me, as if he were trying to protect me. Or comfort me. It _was_ comfortable, though. It was what I had always imagined having an older brother would be like.

I turned to thank him, and stared. His eyes were closed, his jaw clenched. He wasn't breathing. "Jasper?" I asked. How long had he been sitting like that?

My mom entered the living room. She stopped short when she saw Jasper, her eyes wide in surprise. She looked at me. "Bella?" She asked uncertainly. "Who's this?"

I looked back at Jasper. "This is Jasper." I said, figuring honesty was the better approach. He didn't move.

"Jasper?" She asked, frowning. "Jasper who?"

"Jasper Hale. He's Edward's adopted brother." I said, hoping mom didn't come any closer. I didn't want her to think there was a dead man on the couch. "He was in town, and thought he'd stop by to say hi."

"Oh." She wasn't convinced. Great. I looked back at Jasper, almost desperately. He still hadn't moved. He was no help whatsoever. I was in this alone.

"There was a vampire marathon on, and he likes vampire movies." I tried to lie convincingly. It wasn't working. "So we were watching_ Dracula_."

"Right." She wasn't convinced. I elbowed Jasper and immediately regretted it. His side was _hard. _I resisted the urge to massage my elbow.

He noticed, though, and his eyes flew open, revealing dark eyes. Oh. That's right. I'd forgotten he hadn't eaten. He must have realised I wouldn't appreciate it if he were to bite Mom or Phil. He moved his arm from around me and swallowed. "Hi." He said. Some help.

"Hi." Mom said uncertainly, still trying to figure out exactly who he was.

He stood, a little too fast, and extended a hand to her. "I'm Jasper." She took his hand, hesitantly, and started.

"Your hands are freezing." She leaned forward to feel his forehead, and he flinched. "Are you alright? Are you sick?" I held my breath, hoping her action wouldn't cause Jasper to lose it.

Jasper shook his head. "I'm fine." He said, taking a step away from her. "I'm sorry to have startled you. It must have been surprising to come in and find a stranger on the couch with Bella." He gave her one of those barely noticeble smiles, though it seemed a bit forced to me.

She chuckled nervously. "I have to admit it was." She said, suspicion still evident in her eyes.

He nodded in acknowledgement. Then slowly, took a breath. I realized he must have run out of air. I hoped this conversation didn't last too much longer.

Jasper shook his head as if trying to clear it. "Completely understandable." He said. "She is your daughter, after all."

"So, who are you?" Mom asked uncertainly.

"Jasper Hale. Edward's adopted brother, like Bella said." He said, his voice remarkably steady for the amount of stress he must have been going through.

"Why are you here?" She asked critically.

Jasper shrugged and ducked his head. He actually looked kind of bashful. "Got into an argument with my sister. I went for a drive to cool off, and ended up here. Saw Bella in front of the apartment building, and stopped to talk."

"And she invited you in." Mom finished.

"It _was_ getting dark." He said, his voice easy even if his fists were now clenched behind his back. "I suppose it might not exactly have been the best of ideas, but you have to understand, we all think of Bella as a sister. I didn't even think about whether it would be appropriate or not."

My mom smiled. She was charmed by him. I wondered if he had anything to do with that. I glanced at his tense frame. Probably not. "Well," she said at last, "don't let us run you off. Go finish your movie."

He bowed ever so slightly, and she started giggling. I rolled my eyes. "Actually, it _is_ rather late, and I don't want to worry Carlisle." He said quickly, and I wondered if Carlisle _would_ be worried. He turned to me. "See you, Bella." He nodded to my mom. "Nice to meet you." He excused himself and headed for the door.

"Renee-" Phil stepped directly in Jasper's path. He had to stop to keep from running into my step-father. They stood there for a moment, staring each other in the eye. I bit my lip.

Jasper finally spoke. "You must be Phil." He said, his voice harsh. "The baseball player."

Phil nodded. "You like baseball?" He asked, trying to be friendly.

"We love it." Jasper confirmed, his voice carrying an almost menacing edge. He took a step towards Phil. I wondered what I would do if this ended badly.

"Well, we'll have to get together and play sometime, you know, just for fun." Phil stammered, uncomfortable with Jasper's closeness. Jasper was close enough that he could have bitten Phil before the man noticed he was moving towards him.

Jasper nodded slowly. He pressed his lips together before speaking. "Definitely." He agreed abruptly. "Nice meeting you." He darted around Phil and was out the door in seconds.

I let out a breath I hadn't known I was holding, relieved that things had gone well.

My mom looked at me, and gave me a smile. "He seems nice."

Disclaimer: I don't own any of it.


	3. Chapter 3

3

Mom and I decided the next morning that we would go to the mall after breakfast and do a little shopping. I'm not really big on shopping, but it's okay going with Mom, because what we usually do is just walk around and talk, and maybe look at something if it catches our eyes. It's not like going with Alice, where she tries to buy you the whole store.

I couldn't shake the feeling, though, as we went, that I was being watched. Maybe I was just paranoid from the night before, but I really felt like someone was watching my every move. I shook my head and tried to focus on the conversation Mom was trying to have with me.

"So how many Cullen's are there?" She was asking, and I realized she had been talking about our visitor from the night before.

"Um, including Edward? Seven." I replied. "Alice and Emmett are Edward's bother and sister, they were adopted by the Carlisle and his wife Esme. Then Rosalie and Jasper were related to Esme's sister or brother or something, and when they died, Carlisle and Esme took them in as well."

"That was nice of them." My Mom commented.

"Yeah." I tried to sound like I agreed. "Well, they're all pretty nice." I said. "Even though they seem a little odd at first."

"Odd?" My Mom asked. Oh boy.

I smiled. "Well, people think it's odd for Carlisle and Esme to have adopted five teenagers when they're so young themselves. And then there's Rosalie, who is so gorgeous you'd think she were a model or something." I continued, trying to recapture my first impressions of the members of the Cullen family. "Then there's Emmett, who is _huge_. It's almost scary at first. You keep waiting for him to break someone in half. But he's really pretty great. He's a very nice person. There's Alice, who is tiny, and so graceful she makes a ballerina look like a lumbering giant. And she loves to shop. Especially for clothes. It drives me crazy sometimes. Dad thinks she's great, though."

Mom smiled. "And what about this Jasper fellow?" She asked. I sighed.

"He comes across as stand-offish and aloof, but polite." I said lamely. What _could_ I say about Jasper?

"He seemed upset about something." My Mom commented. I groaned inwardly. I knew what the problem had been, but I couldn't really tell her that he had been resisting the urge to drink her blood. She continued after a minute, though, saving me from trying to make something up. "Probably about that fight with his sister."

I relaxed, and nodded. "Yeah. Sure." I agreed.

We parked in the lot, and got out. Mom locked the door as we headed for the mall. It was bright today, and sunny. I was enjoying the warmth. It was nice not to be wet, or cold. I mean, I like Forks and being with Edward, and wouldn't consider giving him up for the sun, but all the same it was nice. I took in a deep breath of air and grinned.

"Miss the sun?" Mom teased, and we laughed. It was nice to hang out with her, just us two. We were laughing and joking as we walked towards the store. I should have known better.

Neither of us was watching as we stepped into the traffic lane. Mom was easily distracted, and I was accident prone anyway. Traffic in Jacksonville wasn't exactly friendly. By the time we heard the horn, it was too late to do anything more than jerk around and stare. And scream.

A blur in blue jeans and a hooded jacket darted between us and braced itself against the oncoming minivan. I heard the crunch as it hit the person, and was shocked as the person remained standing and the van stopped. People started shouting, and our hooded savior moved back to grab both my mom and me and drag us towards the store, ignoring the people trying to gather around us.

I staggered along after him in a stupor as he tried to lose the crowd, my mom sputtering half-formed questions at him as we went. When we had finally evaded all pursuit, he let go of us and disappeared himself.

Mom stared at me with wild eyes. "What was that?" She asked me shakily.

I shrugged. "Dunno. Let's find somewhere to sit for a bit. You need to calm down." I said, leading her to the nearby food court. I now had an idea of who had rescued us, and unless I was mistaken, he would find us after he had changed into something Mom wouldn't recognize as worn by our mysterious protector.

We sat down, Mom still babbling. "But we should look for him. He was hit by that vehicle! He should be dead, or at least have been hospitalized! How could he have walked away like that?" I shrugged, trying not to look like I knew anything, and waited.

Sure enough, he reappeared, dressed in a different jacket. It was too large for him, I realized, and wondered about that. It wasn't like Alice to let anyone wander around in ill fitting clothes. I was also surprised to note he was carrying a tray with him.

"Howdy." Jasper gave us a smile that didn't reach his eyes, and I felt myself calming somewhat. I could see Mom relaxing a bit as well. "Fancy seeing you folks here. Mind if I join you? I brought an offering." He nodded towards the tray. His southern accent was coming out. I wondered if it were intentional. It had been present last night as well, though not quite as noticeably.

He sat down without waiting for an answer and handed each of us a drink from the tray. "Saw you over here and thought I'd invite myself to lunch." He continued, passing out fries and hamburgers. I raised an eyebrow at the fact that there had been three drinks present. He noticed and took a drink.

Mom smiled at him. "You're certainly welcome, but I thought you were going home." She said, concerned. It was funny how quickly she seemed to have warmed up to him.

Jasper shrugged, and looked uneasy. "Well, I called Alice on the way home last night, so's she and the others wouldn't worry, and she said that Rosie was still pretty ticked, and that I might try keepin' clear for a while."

Mom frowned. "That must have been some fight." She commented. She was worried. I could see it. I just wondered what he was up to. "But surely you can still go home?" She asked.

Jasper chuckled. "Well, Rosie's great and all that, but she's got a nasty temper, and I said some things that I probably shouldn't of, and well, it turned into this huge mess." He sighed. "I don't know that she wouldn't try to kill me first thing right now. Alice said she'd call when Rosie cooled off, though."

"So you're staying here?" I asked, suspicious. It was awfully convenient. He met my eyes and I shivered at how dark they were. He shouldn't be here. He should be home. He still hadn't hunted.

He nodded. "It's as good a place as any." He said with a shrug.

Mom wasn't convinced. "But where will you stay?" She asked, and I rolled my eyes. This was a setup if I ever saw one.

Jasper smiled at her reassuringly. "A hotel, I guess. I'll probably look into that this evenin'."

As I had suspected, Mom wouldn't hear of it. "You'll do no such thing!" She declared. "You can stay with us, if you don't mind sleeping on the couch."

Jasper shook his head, but I was on to his act. "That's very kind of you ma'am, but I'm not sure it would be appropriate."

Mom hurried to reassure him. "Why, you're Edward's brother. That means you're practically family already."

"I wouldn't want to be any trouble." Jasper pretended to argue.

"No trouble at all." My mom insisted.

"If you're sure…" Jasper drawled.

"I am." My mom told him firmly, and I stifled another groan as he thanked her for her hospitality. I glared at him, letting him know that I would most certainly be expecting an explanation later. He merely shrugged in response, and spent the rest of our mall trip tailing us from a distance of about ten feet or so.

He accepted a ride back to the apartment with us, and I wondered if he shouldn't worry that Mom would wonder how he had gotten here without a vehicle. He didn't, of course, I realized. It probably wouldn't even occur to her.

He was quiet in the back seat, except to politely answer a steady stream of questions about himself and his family from Mom, questions that amounted to nothing, and answers that were probably largely fictional.

Diclaimer: Twilight does not belong to me, nor am I under the delusion that it does.


	4. Chapter 4

I waited impatiently for a chance to talk to Jasper alone. I fidgeted while Mom explained to Phil that Jasper would be visiting for a few days. I mangled my food throughout dinner, and noticed that Jasper was doing the same thing, though he seemed calmer about it and had taken less food to start with.

I kept shooting him glances as we settled down to watch some movie or other Mom had rented. I nearly choked as I realized it was a vampire movie.

"Bella said you were a fan." Mom said easily. "We had a movie night planned, and so I thought as long as you were here we might as well be sure to get something you'd like." Mom could be like that, considerate at the worst possible moment. I didn't think _she_ liked vampire movies, but it seemed Phil didn't have a problem with them.

"_Thirty Days of Night._" Jasper read the title. He swallowed nervously, but smiled. "Sounds great." He said. If it hadn't been for the rise of tension in the room, I might almost have believed him. I shot him an apologetic glance.

We watched the movie. It took place in Alaska, and a bunch of vampires decided to attack a town during the thirty day period when they would be without the sun. It was pretty gory. I looked away as blood started spilling.

My eyes fell on Jasper. He was tense, rigid, his eyes on the screen but staring through it, as if he were trying to ignore what was playing. He wasn't breathing, I realized. Fascinated, I continued to watch him rather than the movie.

Someone on the television screamed, and Jasper flinched. I watched, perversely entranced, as his eyes flickered shut and he licked his lips nervously. The anxiety in the room was almost unbearable. Fortunately, Mom and Phil would probably attribute that to the horror movie.

He stood abruptly, and excused himself, saying he needed to use the restroom, and I felt terrible that he had to go through this. But then, it was his own fault, wasn't it? He was the one who had decided to stay here. I couldn't help but feel bad for him, though.

He returned several minutes later, but sat on the floor this time, as far away from the rest of us as he could get. This must have really been bothering him. I hoped nothing would happen. I hoped he could keep his control.

A ringing sound split the air, and we all shrieked. Jasper apologized and slipped out of the living room to answer his cell phone, saying not to stop the movie for him. I strained to hear his soft conversation.

"Thanks." I could barely make out. "Yeah, a vampire movie. How long?" He leaned against the wall. "I don't understand _why_, Alice. It's not that I mind, it's just that I'm not sure that I can be trusted not to…" He trailed off, and was silent for a moment, listening. "Yes, however long is necessary, but Alice-" He broke off, and swallowed. "It's the first time, you know." He sounded sad at that, and I wondered what he was talking about.

Obviously this was about him staying. I could gather that much. I didn't understand why they felt it necessary or why it was him instead of Edward. I also didn't understand the last bit. The first time for what? And why was he thanking her? Had he been getting ready to do something? I wondered if I could just straight out ask him later, or if I would be too nervous. I wondered if he would even answer me.

He was finishing the conversation. "I'll see you then. Love you." He hung up and slipped the silver phone back into his pocket, then shook his head and closed his eyes. He swallowed nervously, and straightened from leaning against the wall, preparing to rejoin us. I wondered how much longer this movie would last.

He resumed his position on the floor, and was completely still for the remainder of the movie. When at last it was over, and we were all preparing to go to bed, he asked, with a show of reluctance, if he might use our shower. Mom was delighted to let him, and so he retreated to the bathroom as we said our goodnights and Mom and Phil headed to bed.

I waited until they were gone and moved quickly to the bathroom door. I opened the door quietly and slipped through, closing it quickly behind me. Jasper was waiting, sitting on the rim of the bathtub, as if expecting me.

I fixed him with a glare. "Why are you still here?" I demanded.

He shrugged easily in response. "I told you. Alice called."

"She didn't say Rosalie was mad." I countered, my voice a low hiss. I didn't want Mom or Phil to overhear us.

"She asked me to stick around." Jasper replied.

"Why?" I asked. "Because she was worried I wouldn't make it through the week without killing myself?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Something like that." He admitted.

"So why you?" I asked. It was inconsiderate of me, I know. Here he was, saving my life and torturing himself, and all I could do was yell at him for it. "Why not Alice? Or Edward?"

Jasper shrugged, and I could feel his uncertainty. "She didn't say." He replied. "But she must have seen something." He had such faith in her. He was doing this for her, I realized. He probably thought it should be Edward here instead too. He probably didn't even want to be near me.

It was kind of depressing really, to realize he didn't want to be here any more than I wanted him to be here. "So how long are we stuck together?" I asked, trying not to feel unliked.

"A few days, maybe." Jasper sounded weary. Stressed. But I suppose this was stressful for him.

I tried to change the subject. I recalled the phone conversation. "So what's the first time?" I asked, offhandedly.

His eyes widened, and he turned hostile. "Don't you know it's rude to listen in on other people's conversations?"

I shrugged nonchalantly. What was the big deal? "I didn't mean to." I retorted. "I was worried. You seemed upset about it."

"It's nothing." He snapped, then winced as if the statement had caused him pain. He sighed. "Nothing you should worry about." He amended, his dark eyes avoiding mine.

"It's something." I persisted. If something were wrong, I wanted to know. Maybe there was something I could do to help. "What is it?" I pleaded.

He shook his head. "Don't worry about it." He said. "It's late. You should get to bed."

Two could play at that game. I regarded him fiercely. "And you should go hunt." I retorted. His eyes narrowed fractionally, and he stalked past me and through the bathroom door. I followed him.

"I'm not going to be in any danger while I sleep." I insisted. He let loose a sigh that was almost a growl.

"I'm fine." He insisted firmly, turning to stare at me. "Go to bed."

I thought about arguing. He was radiating tension, though, and it probably wasn't a good idea to irritate him farther. I resigned myself to retreating to my room. "Good night." I grumbled at him, closing the door behind me.

Vampires. There were times when they were nothing but an annoyance.

Disclaimer: I own not any part of the Twilight Saga whatsoever, nor do I own anything else you may recognize, or not recognize, such as the movie _Thirty Days of Night._


	5. Chapter 5

I tossed and turned, and evntually gave up. I couldn't sleep. I didn't sleep well without Edward anymore anyway, and between my near death experiences and Jasper's continued presence, I was just too stressed, too worried. I sighed, and threw back the covers. I walked to the door, and turned the knob.

I stopped as I heard Jasper's voice in the living room. He was speaking, softly, his wistful and somewhat tone such a contrast to the words he was speaking that it was almost painful to listen to.

"_The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!_

_He left it dead, and with its head_

_He went galumphing back._

_And hast thou slain the Jabberworck?_

_Come to my arms, my beamish boy!_

_O frabjous day! Cullooh! Callay!_

_He chortled in his joy._

'_Twas brillig, and the slithy toves_

_Did gyre and gamble in the wabe-"_

I chose that moment to trip as I started back to bed, rather confused by the nonsense he was uttering, but not willing to bother him. The door slammed shut, and I stumbled into the dresser with a yelp and found myself in the floor.

The door swung open, swiftly but silently, and someone stood rigid in the door, crouched as if to spring. I heard a sigh, and the figure straightened.

The light flicked on, and Jasper was there, helping me up, his expression unreadable. He led me to the bed, where he looked me over worriedly.

"I'm fine." I said, embarrassed. Did he realize I had been listening? "I'm not hurt. No damage, no blood." I winced at my poor choice of words.

Jasper inhaled then, and I realized he hadn't been breathing. He must have been worried that perhaps there _had_ been blood involved. "What were you doing anyway?" He asked tersely. He knew I had overheard him. Was he angry?

"I couldn't' sleep." I said, feeling like a child caught in some wrongdoing. "I was just going to the bathroom, when I heard, well…" I trailed off. "I didn't want to bother you, but I tripped on my way back to bed."

He sighed and shook his head. "_You_ are the most accident prone person I've ever met." He said with a chuckle. Apparently he was in a better mood than he had been earlier. I wondered if it were the nature of vampires to seem to suffer from mood swings, or if were just Edward and Jasper. Emmett never seemed to have this problem, and neither did any of the others.

I hesitated, but I was curious. "So, what was that?" I asked. "That you were saying?"

He stiffened, and I regretted making him angry again so soon. But his tone remained light. "A poem. By Lewis Carroll. _Jabberwocky._"

"Lewis Carroll?" I said. "Wasn't he the one that wrote _Alice in Wonderland_?" I asked him. He nodded. "It sounded like a lot of nonsense." I said, then wondered too late if he would find that offensive.

"Alice found herself in a world of nonsense." He told me. "Where the rules of physics didn't apply."

That didn't really explain much of anything, but I got the feeling he wasn't going to explain any farther. "So, why does Alice think you need to baby-sit me?" I asked, changing the subject.

He sighed. "She isn't really sure." He said after a moment. "All she knows is it's the only way she doesn't see you dead for certain by the end of the week."

I shuddered at that. The Grim Reaper _was_ stalking me. "But since you're here, I live?" I asked curiously.

"Maybe." He said shortly. "You stand a better chance, at least. That is, if I don't kill you myself." His tone was bitter, and he was avoiding my gaze, staring at some spot on the wall behind me.

I forced a smile. "Great." I said awkwardly. "Well, slim is better than none."

Jasper rolled his eyes. "Get some rest, Bella." He said, and I could feel myself already growing more relaxed.

I narrowed my eyes in what I hoped was a warning. "Don't you even-" I never finished my sentence.

Disclaimer: As usual, I am not the author of Twilight or even Alice in Wonderland, or anything else you may recognize here.


	6. Chapter 6

I hastily threw on some clothes before staggering groggily into the kitchen. Someone was trying to cook. Maybe Phil could cook, but I hadn't seen any evidence of that these past few days. Mom certainly couldn't cook.

I stopped at the sight of Mom and Phil sitting at the kitchen table, drinking coffee. I stared at them in confusion as Mom smiled, and Phil grunted. Then my brain caught up with the rest of me, and I groaned. There was only one other person in the apartment who could be cooking.

Jasper was standing in front of the stove, a look of intense concentration on his face as he studied the contents of the frying pans before him. "Morning." He greeted me casually. Vampires. Cooking. Right.

"You cook?" I asked incredulously.

"Sure." He replied lightly, before managing to look slightly embarrassed. "I didn't know if you drank coffee." He said, nodding towards the pot. "I have no idea when people start drinking it nowadays." His voice was low enough as to be indistinct to Mom and Phil.

"Oh." I said. "I don't. I'll just get some juice." I stepped past him to open the cabinet to get a glass. I stood on tiptoe, trying to pull one down. I didn't understand why Mom thought it was a good idea to put the glasses on the top shelf. It was hard to get them without killing yourself, or dropping-

Oops.

Jasper caught the glass before it hit the floor and shattered, and rolled his eyes as he set it on the counter beside me. Was he annoyed? Maybe he was tired of protecting clumsy Bella from herself. I couldn't blame him for that. I was probably just a nuisance. I sighed.

I _was_ clumsy. That glass would have shattered all over the floor, and there was no way I would have made it out without slicing up my bare feet. I was causing him _so _much inconvenience.

A low sound, one that was almost a growl, emerged from the back of his throat, and he turned to stare at me with raised eyebrows. "Really, Bella." His tone was almost scolding.

"What?" I asked.

"Don't you think you're going just a bit overboard with the guilt? It was just a glass." He said, turning back to frown at the eggs.

I stared at his back. "You're irritated." I said. "Because you have to keep rescuing me from myself."

He chuckled at that. "Actually, I was wondering why I didn't see that coming." He replied. "I was annoyed that it was so close. If I had thought about it, I could have been watching for it. As it was I had to take the time to turn around before I caught it, and it was a bit closer than I would have liked."

"You had to turn around?" I asked. "You didn't _see_ me drop it?"

He shook his head. "I heard it falling, and realized from your alarm that it wasn't supposed to be."

It was my turn to shake my head at this latest of information about vampire senses. I was having a hard time with this one. He had _heard_ the glass fall? I didn't trust myself not to trip over the perfectly flat, perfectly motionless floor as I pondered this, and climbed up to sit on the empty counter behind me.

Jasper opened the fridge and pulled out the juice, pouring me about three-fourths of a glass, and carefully pressed the glass into my hands. "Thanks." I mumbled, blushing.

He stiffened and jerked back to lean over the stove. I groaned. Could I make things any harder for him? Bad enough he had to be here to keep me alive, but I had to blush while not three feet away from him.

"Sorry." He muttered a second later, turning back to me. He held out a fork with a small piece of egg on it. "Does this taste okay to you?" He asked, and I blinked.

He waited for about two seconds for me to react before sighing. "I _can_ cook, Bella. And I _think_ it's supposed to taste that way, but I would like to know before I subject your mother and step-father to it."

I took the fork from him and hesitantly popped the piece of scrambled egg into my mouth. I stared at him. "It's good." I said. He laughed at my surprised expression.

"I _thought_ so." He said with a laugh.

A thought struck me. "Did _you_ try them?" I asked.

"I tasted them." He admitted. I stared at him. Vampires didn't eat food. Edward had said it was like eating dirt. He shrugged. "I know how it's supposed to taste." He said seriously. When I continued to stare, he sighed. "We _do_ go to school, Bella. Which means we _do_ get dragged into cooking for bake sales or similar school projects. Which means _someone_ had to taste it." He rolled his eyes. "Or at least, that's what Emmett claimed."

"And you believed him?" I asked uncertainly. I was waiting for the punch line, as if he were actually just telling a joke.

"It's hard to argue with him when he's got you in a headlock, Edward's got your arms pinned behind you, and Alice-" He broke off abruptly, and an expression I couldn't quite decipher flashed across his face.

He didn't say another word to me as he served breakfast and sat at the table making small talk with Phil and Mom. I wondered how I had managed to upset him _this_ time.

Disclaimer: I am not the author of Twilight, nor do I claim to be, nor do I claim to own any of its ideas or characters.


	7. Chapter 7

It was bright and sunny out today, so I opted to stay inside. Or, to be more specific, I decided not to suggest going outside when I saw Jasper glaring at the patch of sunlight on the living room carpet. Instead, I grabbed my book and settled down to read.

This plan lasted only until Mom reminded me that Phil had a game today and insisted we all go and see it. I started to protest, but Mom reminded me that we _had_ planned this, and that Jasper would probably enjoy it too, since he had said that he and his family loved baseball.

Jasper, for whatever odd reason, didn't argue. He just disappeared into his overly large hoodie and followed us out.

It was large enough on him, I realized, to completely shadow his face, and he kept his hands shoved into the front pocket. It made sense that he would be wearing that when usually Alice insisted that everything fit properly.

Alice.

Jasper had been fine during breakfast until he said her name. Had something happened to them? Had they gotten in a fight that I didn't know about? Was he angry with her for sending him here?

I hoped nothing was wrong between the two of them.

Jasper didn't watch the game. He just sat slouched in his seat, tense and rigid, as if he were stressed. Almost as if he were in pain.

Well of course he would be stressed, I realized. I felt so stupid. We had dragged the hungry vampire into a stadium packed full of loud, sweaty people. This was probably torture for him.

I frowned, and wondered why he had agreed to come. I mean, I could tell there was absolutely no way _I_ was getting out of going, but Mom wouldn't have made him. He didn't have to follow me around-

Oh.

I eyed him critically. Huddled in the seat, barely breathing, he didn't look like he could protect me from much of anything at the moment.

His hand lashed out in front of my face, and I blinked in surprise. He dropped the baseball into my lap, his sparkling hand retreating quickly back into his pocket. I stared at him in shock. The whole event had taken less than five seconds.

"Th-thanks." I stammered, picking up the baseball that had nearly beamed me in the face. My Mom was beside me, completely oblivious to the events leading up to me holding the ball.

"Nice catch!" She grinned. She should have known better. I couldn't catch a baseball if you dipped it in crazy glue before throwing it directly at me. I could end up with a baseball sized bruise, however.

I just smiled back awkwardly, and pretended to watch the game.

Jasper's stress was starting to get to me. I leaned over. "I'm going to get a soda!" I said to him, loudly enough that Mom would hear. "Want to come?"

He nodded, but didn't speak, and we made our way out of the stands. I led him past the refreshment stand, looking for someplace empty.

I finally settled for the parking lot, and we slipped into the car. "You shouldn't have come." I said as he sank back into the seat, relaxing slightly. "You _need_ to hunt. I don't want you torturing yourself on my account."

He didn't speak, but instead reached forward to slip the baseball out of my hand. He held it up before me, as if to prove the point he wasn't verbalizing. I glared at it.

"So hunt tonight." I said. "It's not like something's going to get me in my sleep. I'll stay in bed, in my room, until you get back in the morning. Okay?"

He sighed. "Fine." He agreed tersely. A sense of relief radiated from him, though I doubt he was aware of it. We sat there in silence for the rest of the game. I was actually a bit relieved to have gotten out of there myself.

Mom and Phil found us in the car after the game. "Is everything alright?" She asked, worried. "You missed the last half of the game."

Jasper shrugged. "Sorry." He said. "I get nervous around large crowds. Bella didn't want me stressing out, so we came out here. You guys win?" He asked Phil.

Phil grinned. "Sure did."

"We should go eat somewhere to celebrate." Mom added. I stifled a groan. I should have seen _that _coming. Jasper didn't put up any arguments, though, and Mom just ignored my protests, so we ended up going out to eat instead of home.

Disclaimer: Twilight and all its stuff does not belong to me


	8. Chapter 8

We ended up eating Italian, at a table far from the windows, where Jasper tried to convince Mom to let him pay for the meal. "After all the kindness you have shown me, I'd like to return the favor." He insisted smoothly.

"We couldn't do that, now, Jasper." My Mom insisted. "You're our guest."

"You certainly can." He returned. "It's the least I could do. I insist." Mom eyed him doubtfully. She didn't like other people spending money on her any more than I did. She also seemed skepitical of his ability to pay for it, as ludicrous as that would seem to just about anybody back in Forks. But he was radiating some kind of emotion that made her more willing to give in, it seemed.

She sighed. "It goes against my nature," she muttered, "but alright."

Jasper gave her one of those practically non-existent smiles. "Thank you." He said quietly.

"Thank _you_." She returned. "I don't know why I'm letting you talk me into this."

Mom and Phil lingered over the meal, and I got the idea that they might end up taking a while. They seemed more interested in talking and laughing with each other than actually eating.

Jasper cleared his throat. "Why don't we go ahead and pay, Bella, so they don't feel like they have to rush." He said quickly, rising from his seat.

"Sorry," Mom laughed, "we're slowing you down. We-"

Jasper interrupted her. "Stay and enjoy your meal, Bella was going to show me around a bit today anyway." He said almost hurriedly.

I followed him, a bit confused, as he walked quickly away from the table. He paid for the meal with cash, and left the restaurant swiftly, pulling his hood up as he stepped into the sunlight.

We walked about a block before he finally stopped, and gave a sigh of relief. He shook his head, muttering under his breath about "almost as bad as teenagers."

He paused to look around, then, and whipped around suddenly to study me. I found my face growing hot under his scrutiny. "Come on." He said finally, his voice filled with some unidentifiable emotion. He led me into a small store.

It was a jewelry store. He left me standing there to prowl around, studying various pieces as he roamed the store. I just watched, bemused, and prayed that the salesman would leave me alone.

He did, at first, zoning in on Jasper, trying to show him some exquisite piece or other, but Jasper merely waved him off dismissively.

The man wasn't so easily dismissed. He frowned, stroked his mustache, ran a hand through his thinning hair, and tried again, attempting to direct Jasper's eye to some gaudy piece on the shelf.

Jasper ignored him for perhaps another minute before letting out a low growl. "I am perfectly capable of shopping for my wife." He informed the man.

The salesman turned an appreciative eye on me, and Jasper sighed. "_That_ is my sister." He said conversationally. "And _her_ boyfriend doesn't appreciate other men lusting after her."

The salesman turned bright red and began stammering, and I could feel the blush coloring _my_ cheeks as well.

Jasper rolled his eyes, and shot a glance in my direction. "She _is_ very pretty." He continued, stepping closer to me, his body tense.

I was blushing. He was thirsty. Great. I was torturing him again.

I began to worry as he moved even closer, and I found myself backing subconsciously towards the wall. I eyed him warily as he was so close we were almost touching. "Jasper?" I asked nervously.

He swallowed, then took one of my hands. I felt something cold pressed into it, along with what felt like paper. He jerked back abruptly, and nearly flew out the door, leaving me standing in the shop.

I looked down into my hand. I held a small silver chain with a butterfly charm dangling from it. The butterfly was some pink stone that was framed with more silver. It was gorgeous.

I also held in my hand several bills. Did he want me to buy this? Had he been planning to before he was distracted by my blush?

I hoped that was what he wanted as I made the purchase and stuffed the box holding the chain into my pocket. I left the shop and the confused and slightly alarmed salesman, trying not to be amazed by the amount of money the thing had cost.

I found him in the shadows, leaning against the building. "Um-"

"Sorry about that." He said quickly, cutting me off.

I reached into my pocket to give him the box. He shook his head. "Anyway, thanks for your patience. Maybe you're right, I _do_ need to hunt tonight."

I stared at him. He was acting a bit peculiar. He seemed almost pleased with himself one minute, then irritated the next. I decided it was probably about time to get him home.

Disclaimer: Twilight does not belong to me.


	9. Chapter 9

We ended up deciding to walk home. It was nice to walk through the city without having to worry about accidently injuring myself or getting lost or anything like that. Jasper seemed to be enjoying himself as well, especially as the sun began to set and we found ourselves walking in the shadow of the buildings. He uncovered his face, and smiled ever so slightly as we walked in what was soon the night air.

His relaxed expression changed abruptly as he let loose a curse. I would have been surprised if I hadn't been distracted by something grabbing me and jerking me into the alley.

I wheeled around to find myself staring at a female with dark hair and blood red eyes.

"Jasper!" I managed to shriek as she went for my throat. The female froze, and stared at me curiously, then leaned forward to sniff at me.

"Let her go, Maria." Jasper was suddenly there, watching the woman who held me by my wrist warily.

"Did you claim her already?" Maria replied, revealing a Spanish accent. "I thought you didn't eat humans anymore." This was said mockingly, the female's lips curled into a sneer.

"I don't." He replied. "But I can't let you kill her."

"Why not?" She demanded, hissing angrily.

Jasper growled slightly. "She's part of the family."

Maria was incredulous. "Part of the family?" She repeated, her eyes wide with shock. "This human? Part of a coven of vampires?"

Jasper took a tense breath. "Yes." He was his response. Was he even going to explain the situation? I was starting to worry.

Maria smiled, a radiant smile. Jasper's eyes widened in-

In fear?

"You want her, Jasper?" She asked almost tauntingly. She sniffed at me again. "She smells delicious. I was looking forward to feeding, with such a-" she paused, as if searching for the proper word. "Su sangre es muy dulce, Jasper." She said, licking her lips. "I can almost taste it already. How long has it been since _you _tasted human blood, Jasper?" She asked almost conversationally.

Jasper swallowed nervously. Maria smiled. "You long for it still." She said. "I know you, Jasper. The thirst was always so hard for you to resist."

"Enough, Maria." Jasper snapped. "Let her go."

"Here." Maria retorted, her eyes flashing. "She's yours."

It all happened in an instant.

Jasper tensed as if for a fight as Maria started to push me towards him. I felt a stinging sensation on my wrist as she let me go.

I slammed into Jasper, who let loose a snarl in Maria's direction as he caught me. I looked down at my wrist and gasped as I saw the blood dripping from a small scratch. Maria had scratched me as she let me go.

Jasper hissed and shoved me out of the alley ahead of him. "Run." He growled, and I obeyed him, darting out of the alley as fast as I could.

I slammed into a girl, probably about my age, and we both stumbled and tripped. I started to apologize, but stopped as I saw the terror in her eyes. I looked back to see Jasper emerging from the alley, his eyes wild, looking like some sort of demon. He crouched as if to spring, looking from one of us to the other, and I froze.

He let out a shriek and threw himself at the girl. I watched in horror as he sank his teeth into her throat, and as she tried to scream but couldn't. I was unable to move, unable to look away. I could do nothing but stay where I was ungracefully sprawled on the ground as he sucked the blood from the girl.

He dropped her, suddenly, and sank back into a crouch, his eyes wide with the realization of what he had done. He looked at me, and I swallowed nervously, knowing that that could very easily have just been me, and just as easily still could.

"Bella?" He asked timidly. His recently dark eyes were now a glowing red, completely eliminating any sign of the gold they had once been. It made him look somewhat more dangerous, like the vicious killer he had once been.

I drew in a shuddering breath. He could feel my fear, I could see that much in his eyes. He was watching me, absolutely still, as if afraid of frightening me off. He wasn't breathing, I noticed.

He at least seemed to be sane again. I stood up shakily and moved towards him.

"Don't!" He snapped, backing up, alarm clouding his expression. "I'm sorry-" He paused, trying to calm himself. "I don't- I don't know if I can control myself, Bella." He said, his voice anguished. "I still-" He broke off abruptly. "We need to get back."

I nodded, and followed him back toward the apartment, keeping a distance of several feet between us the whole time.

Disclaimer: The Twilight Saga is not mine


	10. Chapter 10

10

He paced rapidly through the living room, cell phone to his ear. His blood red eyes were panicked. I could feel his panic spreading through the room and it was all I could do to stay where I was, in Phil's armchair, watching him with wide eyes.

"Alice." She had answered the phone. "I can't stay here, I need to-" He paused. "Tell Edward-" Another break. "But you don't understand, Maria-" Alice must have been interrupting him. "Yes, she's here." He said after a few seconds. "I will." He hit a button, and I could hear Alice's voice as he set the speakerphone.

"Bella, are you okay?" Alice asked calmly. Did she have any idea what had just happened?

I swallowed. My throat was very dry. "I'm fine." I said. I was a bit alarmed and caught off guard and panicky, but otherwise okay, and the last part was really Jasper anyway.

"Good." Her tone was approving. "Now take the phone from Jasper before he throws it at something, please."

I stared at the phone. Was she crazy? He still wasn't in control of himself, he had said so himself, and that the danger was still very present that he might come after me. I looked up at him and our eyes met briefly before he looked away, holding the phone out to me. I felt a flicker of hurt, and realized that my hesitation had hurt him, ridiculous as we both knew that was.

I moved forward to take the phone. "Move slowly." Alice suggested to me. "Don't be oversensitive, Jasper. It's only natural for her to be a little nervous about this."

"I know." He retorted.

"I know you know." Alice's voice was still way too calm. "I'm just reminding you." I took the phone at that point, and Jasper started pacing again.

"Alice-" She cut him off.

"I know. I saw it. Edward's on his way. He left as soon as we knew it involved you two, though, so he doesn't know all the details yet."

"He'll be overprotective as soon as he figures it out." Jasper sighed.

"Of course he will. He can't help it."

"Are you coming?" His tone was pleading, like a child's. It was surprising.

Her voice was grim. "Edward will be able to handle things there."

Jasper didn't like that. "Where are you going?" He asked sharply.

"I'm going after Maria." She practically snarled. "I've had enough of that woman."

"No." Jasper's sudden terror rocketed through me, and I nearly dropped the phone. "You can't. Alice, don't, please. Stay away from her."

"It'll be fine, Jasper." Her voice was soothing now. "I can handle myself."

I was getting a headache from the amount of stress he was under. "I need you here, Alice." His voice was trembling. "Please."

"Of course." Alice said, no sign of resignation in her voice, no sign that she had so suddenly changed plans. "I'm on my way." He relaxed some, then, though not much. "Now calm down. You can't just run off. Edward will be there in about three hours. Bella?"

"Yes?" I asked. I felt ready to collapse. I felt like I was falling apart. I wondered if that were me, or Jasper.

"When will your mom and Phil be home?" We both panicked again. I had forgotten them. I checked the clock.

"Less than half an hour." I replied. What on earth were we going to do?

"Hmm." Alice's response was not encouraging. "Do you have any sunglasses?" She asked.

"Yeah."

"Jasper will need to borrow them. Jasper, how are your clothes?" It struck as odd that she would be worried about his clothes right now, as we were in the midst of an emergency, even as preoccupied with such things as she was.

"They're clean." He replied. "No blood on them." Oh. That was why she had asked. I felt silly.

"Small mercies." Alice muttered. "What about the body?"

"I don't know." Jasper replied. "I wasn't thinking clearly."

"I'll check on that before I meet up with you then." She sounded unhappy. "It's going to be okay, Jasper."

I went in search of a pair of sunglasses. Jasper followed at a distance, since I still held the phone. I set it on the bed as I began rifling through my dresser.

"I don't even know who she was, Alice." Jasper said softly.

"I know." Alice's reply was businesslike. "Does she know?" Did I know what, I wondered as I handed Jasper the sunglasses.

"No." Came Jasper's terse reply. They dropped it before I could ask.

"Can you control yourself around Bella?" Alice asked. I wasn't fooled. I knew they had been talking about me before too.

Jasper was uncertain. "I think so. As long as I don't get to close."

"Good." Alice said. She was silent for a minute. "I told Carlisle."

"And?" He was afraid of what Carlisle's response had been. Afraid of disappointing him.

"He said to remind you that these things happen." Alice replied. "And to remind you that it's been about eight years since the last time. He's proud of you, Jasper." Her voice was warm as she continued. "You never thought it was possible, remember?"

"I know." He was starting to calm down, but there was something else coming.

"Hey Jasper?" Alice's voice was light, teasing. "Edward won't be happy if Bella's depressed when he shows up, okay?"

Jasper sighed again. "I know."

"Hold on." She said. "See you soon." She hung up as the door opened, and Mom and Phil were home. Jasper and I flew to the couch and settled down as if we had been watching a movie. I flipped the TV on and we were supposedly watching Star Trek when Mom and Phil came through the door.

I pocketed Jasper's phone as Mom looked surprised. "I didn't know you liked Star Trek." She commented.

"I don't." I replied. "Jasper does." I said it in a rush, hoping I was convincing. I probably wasn't. I probably looked guilty.

"Really?" My mom asked.

Beside me, Jasper nodded. "Sure." He replied, eyes on the screen. "The first series is the best, though. Kirk always gets the girl, Spock and McCoy argue about being human, and Scotty always fixes whatever can't be fixed."

Mom laughed, and I tried to look like I had some idea of what he was talking about. I hoped Edward got here soon. Jasper was fighting a losing battle to stay calm, and I wasn't sure what would happen when he lost.

Disclaimer: As ever, Twilight does not belong to me.


	11. Chapter 11

The next couple of hours were excruciating for all of us. Jasper would manage to keep his emotions in check for approximately thirty seconds before they would spike, and I, who was sitting next to him, would be subjected to whatever feeling was in control until he managed to get a grip on it again.

We cycled through complete terror, panic, utter misery, self-loathing, hatred, fury, impatience, dread, and some odd longing feeling that seemed to overshadow everything else. It was exhausting, not to mention kept jolting me, and I knew it only made Jasper feel worse that he was putting me through all this.

I was about ready to scream by the time a knock sounded at the door, and mom went to answer it. We had hit longing, or whatever it was, in the cycle again as Mom led Edward inside, looking a bit confused.

Edward's eyes flickered towards Jasper, and I read the alarm in them as he lunged at him, knocking him backwards into the wall.

Jasper growled, but didn't move otherwise, and his emotions were contained again. Edward turned to face my Mom and Phil, who were staring at them in shock, and cleared his throat, managing to look embarrassed.

"Sorry," he apologized lightly, "I didn't mean to alarm you." He turned back to Jasper. "Is there somewhere that we can talk?" Edward asked him, giving off the impression of a slightly irritated older brother, despite the fact that he looked the younger of the two.

Mom cleared her throat. "We were just going for a walk, I hope you don't mind." She obviously didn't want to get involved in a brotherly disagreement. She was also somewhat relieved to have an excuse to get out of the apartment. She grabbed Phil and practically dragged him through the door.

It closed, and Edward let go of Jasper, who slumped to the floor. "I wasn't going to do it." Jasper snapped angrily, and again I was hit with his emotions. Anger, irritation, embarrassment, but also some small relief.

Edward felt it too. He shrugged. "Sorry." He said, though he wasn't.

"What weren't you going to do?" I asked, and Jasper dropped his head to stare at the floor. Edward didn't answer. I fixed my gaze on Jasper. "Well?"

His eyes reluctantly met mine. "I wasn't going to do anything, Bella." His voice was desperate, pleading. "I wouldn't have hurt them."

Mom and Phil.

Longing?

The longing had been probably the hardest part to deal with, as it seemed far more overpowering than anything else he had projected. As if there _were_ nothing else. As if nothing else mattered.

Had that longing been a longing for blood? Had Edward stopped Jasper from-

He must have felt my reaction, because his eyes dropped back to the floor before turning to Edward. "I wasn't going to." He repeated, his voice nearly a whisper. "I can't help it, I can't stop it. I can't keep myself from picturing it, Edward. But I wouldn't have-"

Edward cut him off. "You would have acted before you knew you were doing it, Jasper. You were already tensing to attack."

Jasper glared at him, and let loose a snarl before retreating to the bathroom, of all places, nearly slamming the door behind him.

Edward was beside me in a second, Jasper completely disregarded.

"Are you okay?" He asked, his eyes wide with concern as he wrapped his arms around me.

I couldn't help it. I laughed. I was stressed to the point that I couldn't handle anymore. Edward studied me with frightened eyes.

"Did he hurt you, Bella?" He asked urgently.

I glared at him. "No." I told him angrily. "He saved my life. Several times. You should be grateful."

He returned my glare. "You look terrible." He commented. "I shouldn't have listened to Alice."

I felt a wave of anguish envelop me, and Edward turned to growl at the bathroom door. "Do you mind?" He nearly snapped.

A sigh from the front door startled me. Alice had arrived. She gave Edward a look. "Bella hasn't eaten all day, go cook her something." She turned on me. "Go sit down for a few minutes. You can take a shower as soon as I get Jasper out of the bathroom." She turned back to Edward. "And stop being an idiot. He can no more stop feeling that anyone else."

"He can stop projecting it onto everyone." Edward retorted.

She raised her eyebrows. "You know better than that, Edward. Or you should." She turned and crossed over to the bathroom door. Edward shot a glare at her back, but retreated into the kitchen. I obediently sank into the armchair.

She knocked lightly on the bathroom door. "Jasper?" When he didn't respond, she sighed. "Jasper I know you're in there. Come on out."

More silence from the bathroom. Edward was clattering around in the kitchen.

Alice let out a small growl. "Either you come out, or I'm coming in, Jasper." She informed him. I was surprised when the door opened, and Jasper stepped out. Alice caught him as he began to sink to his knees, wrapping her arms around him.

"Are we doing this here?" She asked softly. "Now? It's okay, Jasper. It's okay." The heartbreak in her voice brought tears to my eyes. "I am so, so sorry, Jasper. I am so sorry."

"Not your fault." He muttered, his head resting on her shoulder.

"I convinced you to go. To stay here. If I hadn't-"

"Bella would be dead." Jasper managed, and I gasped.

Neither seemed to notice as he continued. "I killed her, Alice. I killed her."

"I know. I know." Alice said soothingly.

"I knew what I was doing. I chose to-" Alice interrupted him.

"You did what you had to, Jasper."

"I should have been able to resist-"

"Now stop that." Alice said almost sternly. "How long has it been since you hunted?"

"Doesn't matter, I-" Whatever Jasper had been going to say dissolved into whimpers, accented by dry sobs. He was crying.

Alice had both arms around him, one rubbing his back, trying to comfort him. She murmured soothingly to him, with words so soft and quick that they were no more than a hum to me. He was shaking as she helped him up and led him to the couch.

I quietly slipped into the bathroom, and stepped into the shower, figuring I probably needed one anyway. It didn't take me long, and I felt a little better as I made my way back into the living room.

Jasper and Alice were still on the couch. Jasper had his head buried in his hands and was still shaking, while Alice sat beside him, arms wrapped around him, trying to comfort him. She was still speaking, softly and quickly, words meant for his ears only. Every once in a while he would whisper some reply.

I left them and headed to the kitchen. I still felt dead on my feet, but at least it seemed that Jasper had stopped projecting. I no longer felt one step away from wallowing in complete misery.

Edward placed some food in front of me as I sat down at the table. I didn't notice what it was as I began mechanically devouring it. I looked up at Edward.

"Is Jasper okay?" I asked.

Edward sighed, his lips pressed tightly together, and didn't answer right away. "Jasper _will_ _be_ fine. Eventually." He said finally.

"What's wrong with him?" I asked.

Edward pinched the bridge of his nose as he sat down beside me at the table. "Anytime Jasper kills someone, he suffers a sort of emotional backlash." I blinked, not quite getting it. Edward continued. "He feels people's emotions, Bella. That includes the emotions of his victims as he kills them."

Oh. My gaze drifted in the direction of the living room. "He saved my life." I said.

"I know." Edward replied. We sat in silence as I finished eating, the only sounds in the apartment coming from the living room as Alice tried to calm Jasper down.

Disclaimer: Twilight is still not mine.


	12. Chapter 12

By the time Mom and Phil had returned, Jasper was lying on his back on the couch, his head in Alice's lap. His eyes were closed, and he looked almost like he was asleep. Edward and Alice were speaking quietly, Edward sitting in Phil's armchair with me in his lap, holding me closely, as if afraid that Jasper might suddenly jump up and try to lunge for my throat.

"I got rid of the body." Alice said softly. "No one will find her, no matter how hard they search."

Edward nodded as Mom and Phil returned.

Mom blinked as she caught sight of Alice. "Oh." She said, confused. "Hello?"

Alice smiled brightly at her. "I'm Alice. You must be Renee." She said softly, as if trying not to awaken Jasper. "We've heard so much about you, I feel like I already know you." Her voice was nearly a whisper. "Hello. Phil." She greeted him as he stood nervously behind Mom. "Sorry to barge in like this, I know you weren't expecting us to show up."

"No, it's fine." Mom said quickly, if a bit nervously. "What brings you here?"

Alice beamed. "Jasper." She said simply. "I came to tell him it was time to come home." She giggled and gave Mom a conspiratorial wink as she continued. "And Edward insisted on coming along." She rolled her eyes, and Mom chuckled.

Edward gave Alice a meaningful glance. "Speaking of which, it's getting late, and we should probably get going soon."

"Oh," Mom interjected quickly, "you don't have to leave right away! You aren't causing us any trouble, and it _is_ late. You could stay the night. We could pull out some pillows and blankets and make the floor nice and cozy. I don't think Jasper's up to much traveling tonight anyway." She added, her gaze drifting to him.

Edward and Alice hesitated, having some sort of silent discussion on the matter, which Mom took as an agreement.

"It's settled, then." Mom said lightly.

I sighed. How did I get myself into these situations? Here I was, at my Mom and Phil's apartment, with three vampires spending the night.

A vampire slumber party. Fun.

It was decided that Alice would share my bed, Jasper would take the couch, and Edward would take the floor, at least until Mom and Phil were asleep. Jasper still looked completely unconscious; he hadn't moved a muscle since Mom and Phil came home.

Alice slipped out from under Jasper muttering apologetically as she did, while Edward put up the pretense of settling down on the floor. Jasper stirred slightly, as Alice and I headed for my room, and Alice froze as he muttered, "Happy anniversary."

She closed her eyes, and her hand went to her mouth as she darted into my room. She was slumped onto my bed with a sad sigh by the time I caught up with her.

"Alice?" I asked. "What's wrong?" Then I realized what Jasper had said. Was it their anniversary? Had that been what the chain was for? An anniversary gift? I had nearly forgotten it until now.

She managed a small smile as all this came running through my mind. "Don't worry about it, Bella." She reassured me.

"Is it your anniversary?" I blurted. She sighed, and her small shoulders slumped in defeat. "I'm sorry." I said. I had ruined their anniversary, I realized.

"It's alright, Bella." She replied. "It's just that it's the first time we've been apart on this day, really."

My mind flashed back to Jasper's conversation during the vampire movie. "It's the first time, you know." Jasper had told her. _That _was what he had been talking about. And I had been prying, asking about it, which was why he had gotten angry.

She smiled at me. "We don't usually do much to celebrate it, just spend it together. We don't get each other gifts or anything anymore, I always saw what he decided to get. It might as well be any other day, I guess, but-" She trailed off, looking sad.

I realized in a flash what Jasper had wanted me to do when he cornered me in the jewelry store. Before she could see anything, I darted to my jeans from earlier today and pulled out the box. I slipped the chain out rapidly and tossed it to her.

She caught it, slightly puzzled, and I could barely suppress a grin. She looked down at the chain in her hands, and her eyes went wide. "Oh." Was all she said. She smiled almost dreamily as she unfastened it and kicked off her shoes, drawing her legs up onto the bed.

She giggled slightly as she fastened the chain around her ankle, then turned to beam at me. "What do you think?" She asked me almost shyly. She giggled again, and I grinned.

She perked up suddenly. "They're asleep." She said, and darted out of my room. I followed, more slowly and more carefully. Edward was sitting in the armchair again, and Jasper was sitting up on the couch, looking slightly bemused.

Alice slipped onto the couch beside him, still beaming. "You seem happy." He commented. Then he caught sight of the anklet as it caught the light from outside. "Surprised?" He asked almost smugly.

"You bet." Alice replied. "Cheater."

"I'm not the one that combs the future looking for visions of what people are buying me on occasions such as this." He retorted.

Alice laughed, but then her face fell. "But I didn't get you anything, Jasper." She said almost mournfully.

I didn't get to hear the rest, as Edward decided it was time to pick me up and carry me to bed. "You've had a busy day." He said softly. "You need some rest."

I started to argue, but was interrupted by a huge yawn. "Are you going to stay with me?" I asked.

"Of course." He replied.

"Okay then." I agreed. "I missed you." I said.

"I missed you too."

"I'm sorry about what happened to Jasper." I apologized.

"It's not your fault, Bella." Edward said with a sigh.

"But he's hurt because of me."

Edward was silent for a long minute. "He doesn't blame you. And given the chance to do it over again, he would have done the same thing. It's not your fault."

I didn't agree with him, but I didn't press the matter. I was too tired.

Disclaimer: As always, Twilight does not belong to me.


	13. Chapter 13

Jasper and Alice left the next day, but Edward stayed with me. We stayed with Mom and Phil for another day before going home. Mom was sad to see me go, but I think she was glad to be finally free of Edward's 'odd siblings.' I know Phil was.

A week had passed before I found myself at the Cullen's again, where I was greeted as warmly, or in Rosalie's case, coolly, as ever. I didn't see Jasper. I wasn't surprised. I figured he probably hated me by now for all that I had put him through. I didn't really even blame him.

I didn't see much of Alice, either. Carlisle, Esme, and Emmett were there, of course, as if nothing unusual had happened, and Rosalie tended to avoid me anyway. And of course, Edward was there. But I worried about Jasper, and Alice, and I wished that there were something I could do to make up for what had happened.

It was on a Thursday evening two weeks after I had come home that Emmett showed up at my house.

"Hey, Bella?" Charlie sounded confused and just a bit worried at the bottom of the stairs.

"Yeah?" I called back, looking up from the book I was reading.

"One of the Cullens is here to see you." He definitely sounded worried. I set my book aside and climbed out of my bed.

"Be right there." Predictably, I tripped halfway down the stairs. I fell into a mountain, who chuckled loudly as he caught me and set me upright at the bottom of the stairs. It was Emmett.

He looked out of place, standing in the living room of Charlie's house, looming over everything.

"Hi, Bella." He greeted me with a smile. "We haven't seen your smiling face for a while. We were wondering if you wanted to come over."

Warning flags went off. I had been at their house just yesterday, and as far as I knew, nobody was home. They were all off hunting today, except, apparently, Emmett.

Charlie was confused too. "I thought she was over there yesterday." He said to Emmett.

Emmett laughed. Charlie nearly jumped out of his skin at the volume of it. "Was she?" He asked innocently. "Well, Edward was too. But he's out, and Alice is too, and we decided it was our job to make sure she knew what she was getting herself into, dating our brother, you know." He winked at Charlie and let out another laugh.

Charlie was only slightly reassured by the promise of Edward's absence. "We as in-?"

"Jasper and me." Emmett replied. My stomach did a flip flop. Jasper. This was going to be awkward.

Charlie was still suspicious. "Your parents going to be home?" He asked.

"Yeah." Emmett replied easily. "It was Carlisle's idea, actually. He thought Bella might like to have a chance to get to know everyone else too, since Alice and Edward are the only ones she actually spends a lot of time with."

"Sure, then. Go ahead. Have fun, Bells." Charlie was relieved by the promise that Carlisle and Esme would be there. I, however, was not.

Carlisle and Esme were supposed to be off hunting with the rest of the family.

Emmett thanked Charlie and let me outside to where his jeep was waiting. "Can you get in yourself?" He asked. "Or are you going to end up with a concussion?"

I shot him a suspicious glare as I climbed in the vehicle. Emmett climbed in after making sure I had made it, and we were off.

"I thought Carilisle and Esme were hunting." I accused.

Emmett wasn't bothered. "They are. Jasper's the only other one home."

Great.

"So what are we doing, then?" I asked, irritated.

"You're going to talk to Jasper." Emmett said. I stared at him in horror.

"Why?" I finally spluttered.

Emmett frowned. "Because, despite what Edward says, you need to understand. You have questions about what happened that Edward won't answer. And Jasper needs to know that he hasn't frightened you off, now that he's finally coming out his stupid depression."

"Depression?" I asked.

"Sure." Emmett replied. "He slips up, he kills a human, he freaks out because he can feel what they felt as he killed them, then he sinks into a depression where he tries to convince himself he's a worthless murderer. It's not pretty." He said this so matter-of-factly, as if he weren't talking about someone in his family, as if Jasper were just some random stranger. "Anyway, he's past that, and into the 'Bella must hate me' stage now."

"So you're taking me to talk to Jasper." I said. I couldn't believe this.

"Yeah." Emmett agreed. "And we have to do it while everyone's out hunting, because Edward doesn't want to risk you talking to Jasper."

"Risk?" I asked. "He's not going to try…" I trailed off. Did Edward think Jasper was still a danger to me? Did the others agree, and that was why I hadn't seen him?

Emmett rolled his eyes. "Risk that Jasper will tell you something Edward doesn't want you to know." He chuckled darkly. "You're perfectly safe around Jasper as long as you don't start bleeding in front of him again. Most people it wouldn't come up, but this makes what, two now?"

I frowned at him as we pulled up to the house. He shut the car off, then turned to look at me, his face unusually serious. "Look, Bella." He said. "The fact is, I'm doing this for Jasper. He hates himself for what happened, thinks you do too, or at least, that you should. He needs to know that you're okay with what happened, he won't believe it from anyone else. So let him explain, apologize, whatever. Let him talk through it, and let him know that you're okay with it, or not, if you aren't. Okay?"

I stared. It was so unlike Emmett, I thought, but exactly right for a big brother, and there were times when he went into big brother mode, though they were rare, and he usually denied them later. But then, Emmett wasn't really the simple-minded or clueless person he seemed content to let people think he was.

"Oh, and Bella?" He said as I got out of the car.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"Don't tell him I was involved." He grinned and started the car again.

"Sure thing!" I called as he drove off.

It was odd how little effect the realization that Emmett had left me completely alone here, with the exception of Jasper, had on me. I didn't feel worried, or frightened, or in danger. I was a little nervous about what I was supposed to be doing, but I didn't really feel worried that he might, I don't know, rip my throat out or something.

I took a deep breath.

Let him talk, let him apologize, let him say whatever he felt he needed to say. Then tell him I was fine, that it was okay.

I could do this.

I made my way slowly and unsteadily to the porch and let myself in. The house was quieter than I had ever known it to be. I tried to listen to get an idea of where Jasper might be, but I might as well have been trying to carry water in a sieve. The Cullens weren't ever exactly easy to hear coming.

I wandered to the stairs, taking them slowly, trying not to trip. I was so focused on what I was doing that I didn't see him come to stand at the top of the stairway. When I looked up and saw him right there, it startled me.

Crap.

I jerked backward, away from him, and unfortunately towards the stairs. Or at least, I should have been. I stared in confusion as I didn't fall, but rather regained my balance at the top of the stairs.

Jasper had caught me before I had even realized I was falling. He waited until I was back on my feet to retreat, his eyes on the floor and his hands tucked behind his back.

I cursed myself for my stupidity. Why was it I couldn't even make it past a simple set of stairs when one of the Cullens were around? I could manage my own stairs fine, most of the time, and usually survived most sets, but put me in a room with a Cullen, and stairs became my worst enemy. It was starting to get old.

"Thanks." I said. Jasper merely shrugged, carefully.

"Edward isn't home." He said softly. "He went hunting with the others."

"I didn't come to see Edward." I said nervously, my throat going dry.

"Alice isn't here either."

"I know." I replied.

"Then why _are_ you here?" He asked, his brow furrowing in confusion.

"Thank you." I said. "For saving my life. I don't remember if I actually thanked you, after those men or the van or the baseball, or the glass, or Maria."

He shuddered as I said her name. "I'm sorry." He said, looking away. "I should have known she was there. I didn't smell her-" He broke off, shaking his head. "And I'm sorry for what happened afterward." He was studying the floor now.

"You couldn't help it." I said. "It had been so long since you hunted, Jasper. But you did resist it enough to give me a chance to run." I said. "It's not your fault I'm so clumsy and had to run into someone. Sorry." I added as he winced. "That was my fault, with the girl."

"No it isn't." He said angrily, looking up to glare at me. "That was mine. I killed her." His voice softened. "I knew what I was doing."

I stared at him, trying to understand what he meant. Had he killed her on purpose? Had he been aware of what he was doing? Able to stop it perhaps?

"I chose to kill her, Bella!" He nearly shouted. I could feel his frustration easily. "It was either her or you. What kind of monster-" But I wasn't listening anymore.

That girl had died for me. Jasper had gone after her deliberately, to avoid killing me. It was my fault she was dead.

I didn't realize I was crying until I heard Jasper let out a long sigh. "Bella-" He broke off, uncertain as to what to say. He moved forward, slowly, as if not to startle me, and put a hand on my shoulder. "Bella, look at me." He said. I was staring at the spot on the floor he had been, not wanting to hear his reassurances.

I looked up, reluctantly, into eyes that were red, but no less concerned than if they had been their usual gold. A slightly pained expression clouded his features.

"It isn't your fault that I was so weak. It isn't your fault that Maria noticed how dark my eyes were and took advantage of that. Or that she tried to get me to kill you. It isn't your fault I couldn't keep control over myself.

I could feel his own guilt, his own sadness, as he blamed these things on himself. "If it wasn't my fault," I said slowly, making sure he was listening, "then it wasn't yours either. If I can't be blamed for my clumsiness in running into that girl, then you can't be blamed if you were thirsty and couldn't resist. But Maria can be blamed for putting us in the situation in the first place."

He didn't want to agree. "I don't blame you, Jasper. You saved my life. And," I hesitated, "you've shown me a side of you and everyone else's life that Edward never would have." He shuddered again at that. "I'm going to be one of you eventually." I reminded him. "I need to know these things. Good and bad, whether Edward wants me to or not."

Jasper stared at me incredulously. "I nearly killed you, Bella. Again." He added bitterly.

"Because you had been around saving my life all week." I reminded him. "Didn't Alice say something about me dying anyway if it were anyone else following me around all week?"

Jasper shrugged. "Something like that."

I tried to think of some way to get him to stop blaming himself for the whole incident. "Well, anyway, thank you. Again. For saving my life." I darted forward quickly, and wrapped him in a hug. He stiffened, but didn't draw away. "It was kind of like having a big brother." I said. "I mean, Emmett's always been like the annoying older brother, but it's nice to think of you as family too." He hesitated for a moment, before returning the hug.

"Thanks, Bella." He said quietly.

Author's note: I didn't really know how to end this. I knew that I wanted to end it here, but wasn't sure how to close things. I hope this worked out, I'm not entirely satisfied, but if anyone has any ideas how it could be better I would happy for the suggestions. I may just leave it like this, though. I don't know. Tell me what you guys think.

Disclaimer: Twilight does not belong to me.


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